Celebrating Two Years Of This Adriatic Adventure: Looking Back on How I Got Here

Looking out onto the Adriatic Sea

December 8th, is my 2nd anniversary living in Makarska, Croatia.

Two years of calling the coastal town of Makarska home. Something I am very proud of. 

Not because of where I’ve ended up but because of the decisions I made that got me here.

Makarska and Croatia were never the goals. 

Growth, learning, curiosity, and taking risks were the goals. 

I consciously said yes to all those things a few years ago, and because I said yes, I am now celebrating two years of this Adriatic Adventure.

Sounds simple. Right?

Well…

My life was good, but something was missing.

I just like this picture. Gata, Croatia

Before moving to Croatia, I lived in Toronto, Canada.

I had traveled and lived in other places, but for the most part, Canada was always home.

In Canada, my life was good. I did good things. Good things happened. I had good people around me. 

But I felt like something wasn’t right. 

Not so much that something was wrong, but that something was missing.

Most of the time, I shrugged off the feeling. Everything was good. What more did I need?

And so, instead, I smiled and continued doing good things. 

Remember, my life was good. I did good things. Good things happened. I had good people around me.

To build something new, sometimes, everything must fall apart.

Život (Life). Zagreb, Croatia

About eight years ago, something inside me snapped. Or rather, I started to unravel. 

I am still learning to put my feelings into words. For now, this is where I’m at. Unravel and snapped go together. Until they don’t.

I had achieved what I thought was a success. 

I landed a leadership role in the charitable sector. I bought a home in a neighbourhood I loved. I was involved in my community. I had great family and friends.

I was checking off most of the boxes. Life was good.

Before you start painting a picture of me as some high roller (hello, charitable sector), living a shallow existence because I had all the pretty things but no one to share them with, please stop; that wasn’t the case. My achievements were modest, and that suited me just fine. And I had lots of love around me. Remember, I had a good life.

But my smile started to fade.

I was a success on paper. Yet, I was a disaster in real life. 

I was struggling. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

Something was off. 

But…

I had NO IDEA what.

And I sure as heck had no idea how to figure it out. 

And so I struggled.

For two years, everything was grey.

From the moment I woke to the time I went to sleep, grey.

If you saw me, I looked fine.

A few people knew, and a few people could see it. 

One friend tried especially hard to wake me up, to get me to see what I needed to do.

I wish it were as simple as me listening to her. I would have saved myself a lot of time. But nope. I couldn’t hear her.

I wanted to ‘wake up,’ but I didn’t know how. 

The Wake Up

A note I received from a vending machine. Lisbon, Portugal (Jan 2020). Ok, I no longer have a young woman’s hands but the note was a sweet reminder.

Eventually, I began to figure out the ‘how.’

S-l-o-w-l-y. 

I guess the best way I can describe it would be to say this:

I decided to wake up. And work on me. 

I went on a journey —the journey of self-discovery, self-love, the journey of identifying my values, my beliefs, my goals, and my joy.

The old me would have read the above statement and cringed. 

Today, I know better because that journey brought me here. And being here is anything but cringe-worthy.

I did the things on the journey. And eventually, the grey disappeared. 

(I use the grey as a marker. I don’t live my life waiting for the grey to return, but now I know I have some extra work to do if the grey ever returns.)

Back to the journey.

I connected with a therapist. 

I walked in and told her I just wanted to be a better person. Ha.

Five years later and countless sessions with my therapist, I firmly believe that every person would benefit from talking to a therapist. Or someone who is in the service of listening and providing guidance. And no, not your best friend.

On the journey, I  learned to sit in moments of uncertainty. And I learned what it meant to be present. Two things I had no idea how to do.

I spent a good chunk of my life, well, absent. And as often as possible, I did my best to avoid uncertainty. Easy to do when everything seems to be good.

I spent time revisiting the dreams I gave up on, some before even trying. 

I started to create new dreams. 

I spent time listening to the way I talked to myself. And I learned how to change those conversations. 

I wrote, and I read a lot.

I began to understand that I had never established my own set of values. Scary, I know! But it’s true.

I started to create goals for myself—those aligned with MY values. Not ones I had adopted.

I created daily habits to bring me closer to my goals and dreams.

I started building a self I was proud of. Not one that others would be proud of.

And yup, here it is: I learned to love myself. 

Yes, getting to self-love was a significant part of this journey. I'm not dismissing this statement, but that’s a lot to unpack, and there's no need to do so here. 

Then, for the first time in a VERY LONG time, I started to experience true joy. 

That’s not to say that for 40+ years, I did not experience joy. That is not the case. Remember, I had a good life. 

But this time, I was aware. I was present. I understood what it meant to go after what I truly wanted. Because I finally knew what I wanted. And I went after it, unapologetically. 

None of this was easy for me.

It was a process and one that never ends.

Has it been worth it?

Yes.

Two Years into this Adriatic Adventure 

Me in Makarska

Two years into this Adriatic Adventure, the values and habits that got me here are the ones that bring me joy.

Two years into this Adriatic Adventure, I continue to learn, explore, stay curious, take chances, and be okay with making mistakes. 

For the first time in a very long time, I am proud of the life I am creating. 

Will my life always be in Makarska? Will it always be in Croatia? 

That part, I don’t know. And I don’t think that’s the point. At least for me, it isn’t.

The point is to continue to learn, explore, stay curious, take chances, and be okay with making mistakes. That’s where the growth takes place. That’s where the joy happens.

And so, on this second anniversary of moving to Croatia, I share this story to remind myself of what it took to get here.

And yes, also share it with anyone who wants to listen.

Because before this adventure started, my life was good. I did good things. Good things happened. I had good people around me.

But the thing that was missing was this:

I did not know how to ask myself what I needed to live a good life, to live a life I was proud of. Nor did I know how to love myself.

Now, I know.

And that, for me, has been the difference between living a good life and living a great life.