What’s In A Name?

I was born in Canada in the ’70s. My Croatian parents decided to give me the name: Marijana. When you hear it in Croatian, it sounds like this. Probably not the way you said it to yourself, right?

Like many Canadians born to immigrant parents of that time, people changed my name to make their lives easier.

Split, Croatia

I’ve heard stories of people having their names completely changed.

Lucky for me, the spelling remained the same, but the pronunciation of my name and the name my parents gave me changed once I got to school.

I kept the spelling of my name. But when people said my name, I heard: Maryanna.

I get it; you might say: Marijana, Maryanna. It’s not far off. True. But it’s not my name. It’s not even a nickname I agreed to. Others chose a name for me because they couldn’t roll their Rs.

I don’t recall who made the change. It seems like I always had two versions and two identities with those two versions. Croatian Marijana. Canadian Maryanna.

I have been carrying around two versions of myself for decades. And not because I created them.

I recall one day in my master's program in Austria; I was on the phone with my mother. We spoke Croatian. One of my classmates overheard me talking, and after the call, she said, I like listening to you speak in Croatian. When you speak Croatian, you speak with passion.

That was the moment I realized I lived in two very different worlds. And one of them did not always feel authentic.

Why am I going on about this?

Now that I am in Croatia, Croatian Marijana is taking top billing. And I love it!

As I walked out of my apartment building this morning, I heard the tradesmen call me Marijana! And I smiled.

Yesterday, while at the gym, the instructor called out my name: Marijana! And I smiled.

I always smile when I hear people say: Marijana. It warms my heart.

Maybe because it takes me back to being a child and hearing the two people I loved and trusted the most call out that name; maybe it’s because it was the first name I answered to, and that name formed my initial identity.

As I continue on this Adriatic Adventure, I am constantly taking note of the little things and how they make me feel.

And this little thing, being called Marijana, makes me feel at home.