Happy Birthday To Me!

Birthday cake. Made with love, by my aunt.

In junior kindergarten, my mother brought a cake to the class for my birthday. I was four. I don’t recall much about the day, but I remember how I felt.

I could not process the attention. I did not know what to do with the feelings. So I recall feeling embarrassed and wanting the attention to go away.

This feeling has followed me a lot throughout my life.

No, this will not be a sad reflection post, but my fingers started typing this early memory, so I’m going with it!

Over the years, this desire to turn the attention/focus away from me had its moments.

Birthdays, presentations, speeches, you name it; at times, I could not manage the attention, so I would rush through it or downplay it -big time!

Now, fast forward to today.

It seems I am figuring things out.

The blog posts and my website shows I am learning to sit with attention.

Am I slightly embarrassed to write this or any other personal blog post?

Yes, I squirm at the thought of putting something out there about me.

And then I let it go. And I type.

Why?

Because there’s much more joy in creating and sharing than hiding.

It feels good; I feel good.

And who doesn't want to feel good?!!

Speaking of feeling good…

Yesterday was my birthday.

I thought about how I wanted to celebrate.

I had some ideas, including saying to myself: do nothing; it’s not a big deal!

Hello, embarrassment. Hello, four-year-old.

I sat with that feeling and told it to go away. I had other plans.

I planned a great day. I did things that brought me joy. I spent it with people who brought me joy.

I had a tennis lesson at the Tenis Centar Makarska with the best instructor and one of the sweetest souls I have met on this Adriatic adventure. Hvala, Mirna!

I had coffee with my aunt and uncle. They have been tremendous support since I planted the seed of this Adriatic adventure. I was happy to be in their company for a few hours on my birthday.

And I had dinner and drinks with a friend I made here five months ago—a good soul on an epic adventure, figuring things out, one action at a time.

Dinner and drinks at Papar Grill. Makarska, Croatia

We’ve had numerous conversations about our journeys, adventures, and goals. It felt fitting to usher in a new year with her and celebrate by having ćevapi at Papar Grill. - Hvala Niav!

And there you have it. A quick summary of my birthday. Past and present.

And feelings. Past and present.

These blog posts have become an excellent exercise in writing and sharing my feelings.

I’ve been able to sit with some big feelings, write about the little things, and share my joy.

I look forward to squirming less and less the more I type.

Happy Birthday to me!

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